This Thing Called Separation Anxiety


Dress: H&M   /   Shoes: Call it Spring   /   Bag: Topshop
misty-mom-4 copy

Separation Anxiety

“And one by one the nights between our separated cities are joined to the night that unites us.” ― Pablo Neruda
I’ve been quite ‘away‘ from the online world (and even offline!) the past few weeks because I’m finally feeling the long-term relationship blues after two months of my husband being 11,000 miles from me. I’m not sure if I shared it here on the blog but Enzo is currently in France for work and he’ll be there for a grand total of six months a.k.a forever in our terms. During the four years we’ve been together, the longest time we had to be apart was two weeks. We went from seeing each other at the end of the day for four years to going back to text messaging and Facetime-ing whenever his work and the time difference permit.
I was so confident that I wouldn’t feel any kind of whatever-this-is-I’m-feeling-now that I even pushed for him to take this opportunity even when it wasn’t even on the table yet. Which is why I’m asking myself now.. so what the hell is this thing I’m feeling!!!? There was even a week where I just wanted to cuddle with Selene the whole day and never leave the bedroom. “Sepanx” never felt so legit. I guess my point in writing this is to share that I can’t blog/write when I’m down. That can be a good thing and a bad thing. For one, I’ve had a lot of projects put on hold because I was too “depressed” or “distressed” to work. Bad thing. 
It even got to the point where I was at a beauty event and while talking to a beauty editor about mundane life experiences, I was holding back my tears from falling! I can laugh about it now but imagine me holding back my tears throughout the whole brand presentation. I may have looked like I was so touched by the marketing pitch that I was moved to tears! Ha ha!
The good thing about this is that I’m aware of these feelings~ and I’m thankful that I have this blog (and you guys!) to vent out my emotions — either through rambles like these or writing about my makeup and skincare experiments — to keep my mind off the anxiety and distress. I just also have to thank the Internet Gods for cutting off our internet for five whole days to let me wallow in my misery even more. Getting the Internet back on was like a wake up call that pushed me to snap out of this rut because it felt like, “Hallelujah, Internet is back!! Shari, time to get your life back on track!
With this, I’ve signed up for a personal fitness coach whom I’ll be training with for twice a week to sweat out these negative emotions. I even have new workout clothes to motivate myself. Ha ha! I’m also looking into doing yoga for its mental and emotional (as well as physical) benefits. I hope this gets me through four more months (or two as I might visit him which is another cause of distress because I might have to leave Selene here HUHU). Let me end this slightly emotional entry with a message to myself – “Be a warrior, not a worrier.
  • Erika Tan-Agravante

    Love that hair flip photo of you! And ugh I can’t imagine being without my husband for that long. He’s been asking permission nga to work in Dubai also but I keep on saying “next year na when bubu is 1 na” but when the time comes I think I’ll just keep on thinking of reasons to delay him! Stay strong Shari!

  • Melanie Brigoli

    I also felt this before. Like you I don’t want to be away to those extra close to my heart aka husband and son. I had an overnight trip with friends and when I got home I told myself that I don’t wanna feel the hollowness in my heart again, I was with the friends but my heart and soul was with my two boys. Di talaga ako sanay na malayo sila.. I wanted every single day of my life with them. I came to a realization that our bond is stronger than before, that I can no longer see myself away and without them by my side…

  • Justine

    Awww I feel you! But always take refuge that HE will be back for you and it ignites a lot of things! Convert the sepanx into feelings of excitement and something to look forward to and your days will be lighter.

  • Hanh

    Oh hun, you’re not alone and honestly time does seem to by so quickly! I can’t imagine being away from my partner but life keeps us busy right?! I think you will really enjoying working out and doing yoga – great for your body and mind :)

    That’s a great quote hun, I know it’s hard but we have to look at the blessings in our lives to really appreciate what we have :)

    Hanh x | hanhabelle

  • Raven Ang

    You can get through this!! I’ve never been away from loved ones for that long. Even just 3 weeks away from my dad, I missed him everyday. But life must go on, right? Wishing you the very best!!

  • Mchic5

    I was just going to say ‘ Go to him’ and you said you were visiting. Go now and blog from there.

  • Sunny @Mostly Sunny

    Hey Shari, I’m so sorry to hear that you’ve been feeling down! 6 months are a long time to be separated from a spouse. I totally get it! I hope you’ll find some cool things to do before Enzo gets back! PS: Love your dino dress! It’s so much fun!

  • Pauline

    Its really nice that you shared this with us, Shari! Long distance is really difficult and its normal to feel the way you do :( I hope you feel better soon though! Its great to hear you’re going to yoga, too! Hope things turn out better for you! :D

  • jenn @Abeautifulzen

    seperation is haard dude. i’ve been apart from david for four years and i see him…2x a year? if i’m lucky. i’m finally moving back to his city at the end of july and you don’t know how happy that makes me. stay strong!! you’ll see Enzo soon! in the meantime, keeping busy has always helped me (and daily texting/once a week skyping). stay strong! *hugs across the internet*

  • Jennifer Monforton

    Ah, it must be so hard for him to be so far away! Sorry it’s been so tough, but great to hear you’re taking steps to get engaged with happy, healthy activities. I totally vouch for the amazing powers of yoga! And you look totally beautiful in these photos :)

  • Angela Bonanza

    Aw, that is so difficult! Six months and multiple continents is quite a big deal, especially when you two used to see each other daily. I think the first part is the most difficult so hopefully you’ll adjust soon and find it easier to get through the distance!

  • beauty bloss

    Oh gosh this must be tough! Gym and working out will probably do you some good, getting out and sweating it all out! Hopefully you’ll make it to France in 2 months. I understand completely that it would be hard to leave Selene, but she will be perfectly fine for a few days, kids are so resilient like that. I left my son for 12 days when he was 4 and I went to NYC. Sure, we missed each other, but he had a great adventure also. It was such an amazing moment when I returned and he saw me xx

  • Juvy | Plump Cheeks

    Ang sweet lang kasi nafefeel ko how much you love your husband and want to be with him 24/7! Hehe. Minsan, I want to be away from my husband to miss him. Being together too much feels boring sometimes, or I am just weird. Haha! Hope you’ll drain those blues away thru exercise! We’re just here to listen (read) and share your emotions. :) Feel better soon! :)

  • Aviva

    Ah, even if you video call each other everyday, nothing compares to physically being with your love, no?

  • Lily

    Aaw, feel better Shari. Absence makes the heart grow fonder! That aside, love the photos you have here :-)

  • R o r a

    Sounds exactly like what I went thru last year. What did I do to make it better? Started going to the gym 5 days a week! haha~ So I think you’re on the right track starting “sweating out those negative emotions” :) Sports really do help with any kinda anxiety. Also actually booking the flights to go n see your man helps, cause then you have something to look forward to :) I know it feels bad now.. but you can do it!! :)

    -Rora Sweetimpatience | Lifestyle & Beauty blog

  • Kristen / Glambunctious

    Aw, that sounds so incredibly hard! You’re well within your right as a normal human being to have some down days in such a situation. I really hope you are able to go visit him, even though it will be hard to leave Selene behind for a few days. I’m sure it would do you both a world of good. Sending you love!

  • Vanessa

    Since I’m here late…only 3 more months to go! (If that makes you feel any better, aha ._.’) I’ve never been in a (romantic) relationship, so I can’t relate with this long distance thing, but YOU’RE HALFWAY THERE!

    And I just came to say how much I love your hair and dress because it’s so RETRO. (And if you do end up going to Paris, HELLO FRENCH PHARMACY SKINCARE HAUL)